When all else fails, I will be here
A very good friend who will listen to your stupidity
I am here to take up all your pretty foolish stories
Listen hard when time is taking away your sanity
A hard plate carapace is what I will be
Just to shred to pieces all your enemies
To carry the clouds upon my head
When all seems falling into depths that cannot be fathomed
Just to stop the rain from pouring
So your flesh will never get wet
A great stand just to fulfill your wishes
I will be a light to your dreams
Without resentments I will be
A shadow who to you will never leave.

One by one, holy words start to shatter
Falling from thy mouth unworthy and empty
With every good fall it takes to bother
The reverent soul beneath thy eyes beyond and yonder.

Alighted is the truth for it can never be denied
When intertwined with lies, in thy frail eyes lies are believed
Depicting the image of the story behind the ghastly flow of its ride
It all appears that everything unimaginary has already died.

The salvation of thy life depends on the morbid lies
For if in reality, miserable is thy worthy life
Living without the truth, painful illusion slowly dies
Blinded without heart, thy just let truth to abysmal depth flies.

Vulnerable thy seems at times of unwanted hurting,
Much sensitivity from hurt that spears through thy heart,
Without hesitation, thy invincibility is failing
In the realms of self-indulgence, hurting is little gratifying.

Nobody understands what lies within thee,
How can happiness ever stay if there is nothing more left to be agonized for
Complete felicity is what thee asks for, unbirdled and free
Defying the boundaries of words, will he forbids thee for truth at all to be seen?

Severe indulgence for his bliss is what thee gives,
Weary sacrifices and insanity shall thee offers
Ensnared unpleasant memories in thy mind sieves,
Should be forgotten, but forever the distorted tragedy lives.

My Summer Love is like the Summer Heat.

Though its warmth pains my skin a little, it kind of a pleasing sensation.

Love. Love. I miss love.

But there's no way i'm going to swallow LOVE now.

Though I miss love, though I really miss love,

it's wrong to love.

I cannot love for I will only love.

Time's a little patient and my soul won't ablaze not until the clock strikes 19.

My love, burning to death. But I cannot let my love die but it has to be dead.

Honestly, I'm really enjoying life now, now that I know that I have to move on. I should forget about the things that have hurt me the most. I treat everything that happened as a dream, there were sad moments and happy moments that I treasured. But the painful thing of dreaming is waking up. Now that I already seen my self back in reality, now that I have gone back to my senses, I must and I should accept the fact that dreaming is one way of hurting. It's something that I have to face and I'm facing it right now.

"I know you're brave and you can easily turn everything down," this line echoes in my head. Am I really brave? Yes, I know that. I should be. I'm as brave as a foolish person...

It's for a change not to live under the shades of lies. I am not restless. I'm so tired of running and running away from everything to salvage just one thing - love. And now, I don't want to know love. Now, I'm scared to face love. It deeply scars my soul. If scars can be erased and healed completely, then love is always possible to get over with easily.

I always believe that the heart is inferior. It cannot dictate the mind on what to do. I always believe in the mind. The brain is the most intelligent organ in the body and the heart is the most industrious. The heart doesn't have a brain so why would the brain follow the heart? I never permit my heart to rule my mind. Maybe this is why he always say I'm numb. I appear to be but sometimes my heart really cries, it really bleeds so hard.

I don't want anything to take control over my emotions. I don't know if he's right when he said that no one will understand me better than he do. Maybe he's right, maybe he's not. Maybe if I find someone, I'll not be my old photograph.*

I enjoy being alone and free. No commitments. No promises to fulfill. No compromises. I'm so tired of the cyclical thing of uphills and downhills. I'm just so tired of everything.

Maybe that time I part with him, that time was unforgettable for it was the time that my heart did dictate my mind what to do. For my never-tiring heart had worn out and felt exhausted and tired, it told my mind to stop - stop beating for a while, stop bleeding for a while. Stop. Stop.. Stop... Please... STOP.

*You may be right if they would leave me for they can't really understand my complexity but mind you, I'll surely find someone that could change my core and cover.

i'm free, like a bird soaring in the horizons
my soul, so peaceful, like the night sky
my breath, so warm, like the steaming deep brook in the mountains
my self, alone, delighted with the company of my shadow.

there's nothing more i wished for but perpetual silence.

shut.

numb.

cold.